Vacation…?

A lot of people wonder (I think) about how they will spend their intra-trimester break. Will it be an amazing vacation visiting tropical places? Will it be a wonderful adventure exploring the unknown? Will it be freedom?

“One chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom” – Braveheart

But as always, we will be stuck behind our laptops catching up on lectures and assignments. Which is ok. But at what cost? Is it really a break? Or are we fooling ourselves into thinking we are somehow getting a head in the game (since some of us might also be working ahead)?

I took a look at myself today, and I didn’t like what I saw. It was a version of me that was exhausted, messy and unkempt. I am losing in this game because this break isn’t supposed to be a catch-up session. It was meant to be an actual break.

I mean it, people! Get off your computers and live a little! (nervous laugh emoji)

I can’t talk because all I have been doing for the whole day is catching up on my mathematics for Artificial Intelligence content. Do I understand any of it? No! Do I like it? No! But I am also watching Udemy courses on maths for AI because of my passion for it.

However, with a point of self-reflection, I have also decided to prioritise myself given the pitiful image of myself in the mirror.

Of course I will study! Of course I will catch up! Of course I will do my best!

But I will put myself first. No matter those memories. No matter those comments. No matter not being good enough.

I will not tell myself I will be good enough once I have achieved all my academic goals. I will tell myself I am good enough when I achieve a balance.

So from now on, I promise to put myself first and enjoy life as it comes. I will study, of course, but do all those mundane activities too. Will I be unfulfilled? That is yet to be determined…